They say a rising tide raises all ships.

So I guess we have Twilight to thank for this.

Thank you Stephanie Meyers. Because all those wasted trees wasn’t really enough.

Remember When Julianna Margulies

left the cast of ER in order to be in the movie Ghost Ship.

Whoops.

I don’t know what we’d do without the news networks

Thank God for CNN and Fox news.

Where else would I get this kind of hard-hitting news?

I mean, not only is the loss of Jessica Simpson’s dog relevant to my life as an american, the piece itself is so impeccably written:

Daisy was snatched away by a coyote before Simpson’s very eyes in Los Angeles last week, and, despite Simpson’s refusal to quit searching and offer of a reward, no sign has been seen of the caramel-colored dog.

Excellent use of the hyphenated descriptor, CNN. BRAVO!

In 10 years, when your children are in school learning Chinese and pledging allegiance to Hu Jintao, remember this day.

Kanye is my new favorite douche bag

Wow. America has really sent a clear message this week. DO NOT FUCK WITH OUR MODERATELY TALENTED, HIGHLY OVER-RATED TEEN IDOLS WHEN THEY ARE ACCEPTING MEANINGLESS AWARDS. I mean, unjust wars, the rape of the environment, and corporate golden parachutes we can put up with for years, but if you piss on Taylor whats-her-face’s princess party: We. Will. Take. You. Down.

There’s no doubt Kanye is a class act D-bag. i guess I’m just surprised at how many people are just now figuring it out. He had the impudence to say on national television that George Bush hates black people. Does no one remember this? Sure, it’s the god’s-honest truth, but aside from that one point, it was completely inappropriate.

I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m defending Kanye. I’m not. I really dislike the dude. And his antics with Taylor Dayne just make him all that much more despicable. That’s why it makes me so angry every time I hear a new Nip/Tuck or Alamo Drafthouse promo et al. and hear a new favorite song, and it turns out to be a Kanye song. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It’s hard to love the music, hate the musician.

I was on America’s side with this whole Elizabeth Taylor VMA thing. CRUCIFY HIM, right? But then, I finally saw the Beyonce video that he was so worked up over, and, I mean you have to admit. It’s a pretty good video.

Do you ever get the feeling that our culture sends mixed messages?

Case in point:

That’s right, Pocket shots. Basically we’re saying, hey, don’t drink and drive, but if you have to drink and drive, use these little, convenient single serving booze packets with the bite-off top, so you don’t have to take your eyes off the road.

I’ve been wondering where I could meet some nice Black Christians.

For a long time I thought I was the only person who wanted a resource like this.  But then, Facebook to the rescue:  Their targeted ads knew exactly what I was looking for.

Thank God and the internet for Black Christian People Meet Dot Com. Where have you been all my life.

Here is what was in my email inbox this morning

• Careerinstitute: Meet Christian Singles in Your Area Now!
• michaeldellorch@freudenkinder.net We have free samples for you!
• BeachBody: Nathan, get crazy results in 60 days!
• e_expgriencedd@vps9.lunarpages.com: Attack your lady harder!
• Express: Wear your jeans the Express way!
• Popular Photography: Digital Days of Fall 2009 Workshops!

From this list, I can surmise a few things:

1. My Mac Mail spam filter just arbitrarily stopped working last night.
2. Spammers have finally caught on to the marketing power of the exclamation mark.  If I got an email that said “Attack your lady harder”  I’d probably just delete it, but when it says “Attack your lady harder!”  Well, I’m going to find out what that’s all about.
3. Email really is the new snail mail.  Now I never get anything good in either box.

I know a lot of people will disagree with me

But I think Bono is a delusional imbecile.

You’ve got 12 bucks burning a hole in your pocket.

You’ve got a laptop that weighs 15 pounds (obviously a Dell).

You like to do yoga in the stairwell on your way into the office. Saves time.

You like products with names that are ambiguously biological in nature.

This Jersey Scheister has the product you’ve been looking for.

If you aren’t completely convinced, check out the website he made in Microsoft FrontPage ‘98. Like Ronnie, the Navy Captain from Des Moines says, it’s a great conversation piece, anywhere you travel.

However, I think Jersey Scheister’s Sister’s Daughter Sarah has a bright future in modeling. Not only does she take direction well, but she has an awesome sense of personal style.

I have this problem

that I’m sure a lot of you out there experience.  Which is, how difficult it can be to eat a sandwich.  Sure, they are neatly packaged, with all of the wet ingredients inside a couple of neat pieces of bread.  Sure the proper use of condiments helps glue all the ingredients together to make them less messy, while providing necessary lubrication.  Sure, they’re stacked perfectly so that every bite delivers a fairly consistent flavor profile.  And sure, they’re easy to eat with one hand.  But I’ve always thought to myself how can we make the sandwich more interactive?  More playful?  More pointless in every way?  How could we make a sandwich ironic by completely defeating the purpose of sandwiches?

If you’ve had these same thoughts, then there’s good news ahead, the geniuses over at makinglifebetter.com have come up with something special, with you in mind.